(Context: The 16-day partial U.S. government shutdown ended a few days ago.)
Rejoice. The Bunny Inspectors, after a two week paid vacation, are back on the job. They will be paid for their “furlough” as if they had worked full time, with no loss of time off, and they can go back to watching stage magic shows to be certain that no thaumaturgist uses a rabbit in his performance without a Federal license from the Department of Agriculture, unless, of course, the rabbit is killed as part of the performance in which case no Federal license is required. I wish I were making all this up, but I am not. It’s the law. They will also inspect back yard rabbit cages where people who keep pet rabbits have their stock, and if anyone sells a pet rabbit without a Federal license the cost is about $5000 per bunny. If you kids keep rabbits, make sure they give them away rather than sell them. It is possible that they can sell rabbits for slaughter without a Federal license, but check with your lawyer before they do it.
“There’s talk of doom and gloom as the sequestration approaches, and the Administration is running in circles flapping their arms like a local school board telling the district that any cut in the budget will end football and college prep courses and everything else so that the students will have to sit hungry in classrooms without a teacher unless taxes are raised. The truth is that under the sequestration the US will spend more this year than last, and next year than this. The “cut” is in the amount of budget increase, not in actual spending. It seems to me that the whole government would be better off for an across the board 2% cut – actual cut, spend 2% less money next year than last. There’s 2% waste and monkey motion in every department. I note that the Department of Agriculture is threatening to lay off food inspectors, but there’s no talk of firing bunny inspectors. Every department has people doing things we don’t need done, particularly since we have to borrow the money in order to do them.
Bunny inspectors, for those who don’t know, look for people keeping rabbits as pets and offering them for sale – or using them in a stage performance. Bunny inspectors go to stage magic shows and if the performance employs a pet rabbit they demand to see the federal license the magician must have, and no, I am not making this up. By the way, if the rabbit is killed in the act, say eaten alive, you don’t need a federal license. You may be in trouble with the ASPCA but not with the Department of Agriculture. And the bunny inspectors won’t be laid off under the sequestration. I bet if there were a 2% cut in the DOA’s budget they’d go. If not, a bigger cut would be in order…”